When I was younger and did not understand who I was, I would isolate myself in my room or in the bathroom. My mother was young and did not know how to handle me. As the older, I got I didn’t know how to handle her. Our communication skills were so off we almost hated each other. A black kid growing up seeing wholesome families and knowing I was without one really put me in an odd spot. I felt alone and I was wondering why I felt like I could always tell what people were thinking. I took those initial feelings to my heart all the time and I would bury them hoping someone would come to save me but no that was not the case. My mother was trying to understand how to be a mother and I was trying to make sense of everything I was feeling in my 10 years of life. Yes, I was 10!! I would go to the bathroom with a butterknife and contemplate taking my life I felt alone and unloved. I would always chicken out though thank God I would’ve missed out on my purpose to change lives when I got older. I would have missed out on being in love or sharing my first kiss or the excitement of having sex for the first time I would have missed it. I was able to thug out my situation until I left for college and when I finally left, I said to myself I was not ever coming back here. If I come back, I will fall down the same rabbit hole I won’t get a chance to learn who I truly am.
I spent the next 6 years falling and fumbling trying to understand myself and soon after I picked up my 1st couple of books things started to make sense. Implementing a reading habit into your life will change you in ways you can’t even imagine. It’ll be tough at first especially if you don’t read on the regular but set a schedule of 21 days and stick to it even if you slip up stick to it and you will be doing it naturally in no time. I found a sense of purpose I discovered my path and now I am full steam ahead on my journey. Nothing will stop me on my path to greatness, but it took so much from me that I am humbled to be at this point in my life. Understanding the true value of peace in your life should be rule number 1!! So many learning lessons I stayed diligent through the power of the higher forces. I am here to tell you that you can do the same with a mentality change you can change your whole life. I understand the pain you feel and just know you aren’t alone. According to Healthline, “There is a good chance that you’re going to live through your suicidal feelings, no matter how much pain you may be experiencing right now. Give yourself the time you need and don’t try to go it alone.” Give yourself time, speak to people, vent, Cry if you got to. understand that you matter, and your mental health matters.
Getting so caught up and forget that there are real people out here hurting and don’t know or understand how to deal with it. This is for anyone reading this to take out some self-care time, we need you here with us. You are loved and you have appreciated surround yourself with ones who value you so that you will never feel taken for granted. We need you and we love you again y’all have a great day.
I hope all is well in your space please stay safe lead with grace superior minds are off to the race
